Canarian Gazpacho Recipe

This is a really refreshing chilled soup. Gazpacho is quite expensive in the supermarkets here, considering it's mainly made from tomatoes (Gran Canaria used to be one big tomato plantation) so why not make your own at home?

Photo by Maria Gonzáles

You can fiddle with the amounts. I like to use plenty of garlic in mine. You can serve this healthy gazpacho recipe with bread and alioli or just have a glass of it as a refreshing drink.

Ingredients:

3 slices bread, no crusts

1 onion
3 tomatoes, peeled and seeded

2 cups cold water

1 small green pepper, seeded and cut in strips

1 clove garlic, crushed

1/2 cucumber, peeled
6 tablespoons olive oil

3 tablespoons white wine vinegar

Salt and freshly ground black pepper to taste

Directions:

Crumble the bread and soak it in the crushed garlic and vinegar. Chop up the tomatoes and cucumber, after peeling the tomatoes. Chop the onion finely. Set aside some of the tomatoes, cucumber and onion pieces for garnish.

Process the bread, garlic, oil and vegetables in a blender and add the tomato. Add the rest of the water. Stir in the seasonings and chill for 2 hours or more. Serve with the extra diced cucumber, onion and green peppers.

Serves 4

Goddamn Touts!

If there is one thing that everyone on holiday in Gran Canaria complains about it's the touts. You can't walk down some streets without getting hassled to buy cameras, flashing Chinese junk, roses or timeshares. Of course the touts don't say "excuse me, would you like to buy a 25,000€ timeshare sir?" You are more likely to hear, "oi mate, you bin to the new shoppin' centre yet?" or "where you from?"

Possibly the worst place for touts is walking from the beach in Puerto Rico to the harbour because on one side of the street you have timeshare touts (see above) and on the other side of the street you either have the timeshare touts who chase you from the first side of the street or the Indian camera salesmen, whose rather basic sales technique is as follows:

1. Leaps in front of you.
2. Tries to grab your hand, wrist or arm.
3. Says, "Sony camera, five euros?" while trying to drag you into their shop.

If you are lucky enough to avoid no.2 they are likely to block your path and force you into the road. If you cross the road you are back in the clutches of the timeshare touts. Now you see why this is like running a gauntlet.

Photo by Rune T

The best technique (works for me) is to put earphones into your ears (it doesn't matter whether they are connected to an mp3 player!) and pretend to be listening to music. Keep your hands in your pockets (unless you are wearing a thong, bikini or pocketless pair of trunks in which case keep your hands out of them). Walk with your eyes fixed straight ahead.

Better still, wear jeans, trainers and a La Puta Madre tee shirt. Then they will think you are a Canarian and leave you alone (never mind the 35ºC heat). This won't work if you are wearing a bumbag, sporting a bright red sunburn or carrying a copy of The Sun.

What's With the Weighing Scales on Every Corner?

If you have been to Gran Canaria you might have noticed the weighing scales on every street (well, not every street but you know what I mean). Nobody seems to be completely sure why we need so many (I pass several every day on my 20 minute walk to work!) but theories include:

1. So that you can check your suitcases aren't overweight and thereby avoid excess baggage charges.
   
2. So that you can see how many pounds (sorry, kilos here) you have gained on holiday eating fattening Canarian food.
   
3. The 50 cents from each weighing goes to the weighing scales company.
4. The 50 cents from each weighing goes to the government.
5. A combination of the above.

What do you think? There are some more ideas here.

The Most Common Questions I Hear

I work on a sea fishing sales desk in Puerto Escala, one of the harbours in Puerto Rico. These are the top 5 questions I hear every day:

1. Are you from Gran Canaria then? (Do I look or sound like it?)
2. Do you live here? (No, I fly in from England every morning)
3. Do you like it? (No, I hate it, that's why I've been here 10 years)
4. Don't you get sick of the warm weather? (Er, no).
5. Don't you ever go home? (I am home, I live here)
   

A Peculiar Clinic

I was unlucky enough to have a backache and it lasted for the better part of a week so off I went to the clinic in Arguineguín (pronounced Arr-ginna-gin with hard Gs).

Anyway, I got there and there was a big sign saying it had moved. Not the building but the innards - you know, the doctors, nurses, machinary and stuff. So off I hobbled in search of the new clinic. In I went and there was a makeshift desk near the front door with rather a surly looking man sitting at it.

The Wait

I opened my mouth to speak and he pointed at the ticket machine. So I took a ticket and waited for about an hour until my number appeared. I went over to the man and said my back was sore and I wanted to see a doctor, which was when he rolled his eyes and told me I was in the wrong queue and I should be next door, waiting in there! Argh!



So I hobbled next door and had to take another ticket and wait in there until a random doctor became available. There was a child sitting opposite me with the measles or smallpox or something so I was trying not to breathe. Eventually I saw the doctor (I had to walk through the emergency room and a room full of drugs) and then he sent me, prescription in hand, back to the main waiting area (well, the second waiting area).

The Dwarf

I then stood about like an idiot, wanting to know where to get my medication. Finally, a vertically challenged nurse came in and told me to follow her. I've got nothing against dwarves but when I was taken to the room full of drugs I had to help myself to the ones she pointed at because she was only about 1 metre tall. The pills were all loose so I had to put them in a surgical glove (they had no plastic bags).

My trapped nerve managed to untrap itself in the end. But what a strange clinic!

The Strangest Restaurant

When my parents were over, my ex and I decided to take them to a restaurant in the mountains. Now, this restaurant was actually carved into a mountain and it was like being on another planet! Everything was carved out of the stone - the tables, bench seats, everything.

The staff didn't seem to speak Spanish, English or any other language I could think of so I thought I'd give sign language a go.

My Cow Impression

With a thumb to each temple and my forefingers in the air, I said "moooooo" in a very cow-like way, since my order for steak had been met with a blank look. The waitress (or owner, who knows?) then proceeded to smile with a look of comprehension, nod with a look of complete understanding and disappeared into the kitchen.



She returned about 10 minutes later with... a pork chop.

Welcome to My Blog

Welcome to my humble little blog (soon to become massive and famous...possibly). I am going to write about my life on Gran Canaria, the day to day strangeness which has somehow become the norm for us ex pats and perhaps a few little tips that you might want to bear in mind if you are going to come and visit our little island.