Goddamn Touts!

If there is one thing that everyone on holiday in Gran Canaria complains about it's the touts. You can't walk down some streets without getting hassled to buy cameras, flashing Chinese junk, roses or timeshares. Of course the touts don't say "excuse me, would you like to buy a 25,000€ timeshare sir?" You are more likely to hear, "oi mate, you bin to the new shoppin' centre yet?" or "where you from?"

Possibly the worst place for touts is walking from the beach in Puerto Rico to the harbour because on one side of the street you have timeshare touts (see above) and on the other side of the street you either have the timeshare touts who chase you from the first side of the street or the Indian camera salesmen, whose rather basic sales technique is as follows:

1. Leaps in front of you.
2. Tries to grab your hand, wrist or arm.
3. Says, "Sony camera, five euros?" while trying to drag you into their shop.

If you are lucky enough to avoid no.2 they are likely to block your path and force you into the road. If you cross the road you are back in the clutches of the timeshare touts. Now you see why this is like running a gauntlet.

Photo by Rune T

The best technique (works for me) is to put earphones into your ears (it doesn't matter whether they are connected to an mp3 player!) and pretend to be listening to music. Keep your hands in your pockets (unless you are wearing a thong, bikini or pocketless pair of trunks in which case keep your hands out of them). Walk with your eyes fixed straight ahead.

Better still, wear jeans, trainers and a La Puta Madre tee shirt. Then they will think you are a Canarian and leave you alone (never mind the 35ºC heat). This won't work if you are wearing a bumbag, sporting a bright red sunburn or carrying a copy of The Sun.